compromiso cuestiones! Uno *.*

compromiso cuestiones! Uno *.*

So as I was at Dunkindonuts after a barbeque meal with my two of my best friends, we sat down and started to talk about random stuff about everything and everyone.  One of those are the “issues” our circle of friends have concerning on being in a relationship.  Like how one of us has “trust issues”, other one has “intimacy issues”, “attachment issues”, ”Standard issues” and how my friend “J” was so frustrated because he can’t think of issue for himself. (maganda lang te eh!) and for myself “B” said I have commitment issues., I looked at her and I nodded and agreed.  It was actually the first time someone said that and I’m glad someone pinpointed that for me.

Commitment Issues?

Indeed. That’s the reason why every relationship I had never worked out. (chos, super many ba?haha)

To lay all my card of the reasons why I have commitment issues, I think it’s because..

1.       The epic fail marriage of my parents. Everyone who comes from a broken family could actually get me with this. I was 6 years old when my parents separated, my brother was 12. Imagine how hard it was for me to act innocent of what was going on.  I knew by that time everything would not just be normal. So I grew up with the thought of every relationship just won’t work out. No matter how u try hard for it.

2.       Because my Dad cheated not just once, but twice. Or so I know.

3.       And the many fail marriages and relationships I came to know more about in the coming years.

4.       How the people I know just Rant and rant of how being a relationship sucks. (lmao)

And so that’s why I came to have that Issue. Thinking about it all now, I never actually told myself that’s the problem. It’s always “I’m scared, or I’m not good at this or even we both suck at this” kind of reasons.

Let’s take Guy no.1 for an example

Chos #1. He was my 

first ever big crush back in old high school days. I met him through all those subdivision events, where I went out for the 1^st time after living in that place for 3 years to socialize with neighbours. He was tall and super cute (well, that time.) and I really got to like him, and I don’t know or maybe I forgot already how everything happened that we became an item. Like he actually liked me too, but we we’re so discreet then. My friends in that place didn’t like him for he was not just the stick to one of guy daw, I didn’t listen but that made me scared. I was thinking to myself “Omg, this is it” This is the sign that things will not go anywhere far from what I wanted to. But geez, for 2 years we we’re in a love and hate relationship.  He says he loves me and I’d say the same, next day I’d hate him and don’t want to ever see him. Those we’re the times when I was thinking I could handle whatever we have and that we never have to go official. But one sunny afternoon, we we’re texting.

Him: How’s

 your day? Blah blah blah blah

Me: Fine. 

Blah Blah Blah blah

*fast forward*

Him: ILYSM! J

Me: ILY too J

Him: Can’t we ever go official?

Me: I’m scared. Blah blah blah blah

Him: You don’t have to be. Just give it a try, Blah Blah

Me: No, I just can’t.

And to make the conversation short, that day I decided I can’t be with him because I just can’t commit. He said he’s goodbye, we ended up as friends. But dude seriously, that was so hard to get over it. It was my decision to be what we are. Months later I found out he has a girlfriend already. I was “oh, Okey. Really time to move on” But this Chos#1 was seriously hard to get over the years, I was always drawn to him whenever we talk, it was crazy. But somewhere between all those lines, I regret in some point. That I wished I just took the risk so that I’ll know what could have been of us.

So that’s my 1^st taste of my commitment issue.  I’ll get hold more of it later, finally bed is calling me to sleep. Chao J

Now on Myx: Lonely by 2ne1. Kmsta naman ang Title? Nangiinis ka? Buti nlang di kta magetz sandara. Lol J

And just because this picture looks awesome.