compromiso cuestiones! Dos *.*

So I’m just hanging out with one of the bitches, Belle. Lol. We’re here are at  Cafe Lucia in Tacloban, She wanted to go to Starzrock Cafe but I like the ambiance here and It’s super near to our house. So eventually she was okay with us staying here, thanks for Cafe’s Amazing Carbonara. Anyway, This is supposed to be the part 2 of my 1^st post. Commitment Issues part two. If your reading this and don’t have any idea what this is all about go check my first post. Chos. Haha.

So continuation it is, After that Chos #1 lez go to number two.

Chos#2?

Well, Hm. That was one heck of a fast track relationship. I was thinkin of how scared and how hard it is for me to be in a relationship to Chos #1 but just after couple of months, I was with this guy. Honestly speaking. Face wise, he is the Hottest I went out with. He was so nice and very malambing but one hell of a shy guy. He was even shy goin inside freakin Mcdonalds. That was just “WTF Dude” moment.  But seriously he was nice and hot, so your thinking we could have been good off together noh? Nah. Now as I think back about it, All this time I’m telling myself and to everyone who asked why we broke up, I always end up with “I wasn’t just getting kilig anymore” Chosera ba ako?! Haha. Ansaveeh geerl? But behind that uber pathetic line was the truth that I was again scared to commit. I guess I tried so hard to find something within him that could lead us to separate ways, I did and I left him. Maganda lang ba? Parang Hindi naman. Lmao. He’s feelings was just so way up there, and mine was down under. I didn’t want to be unfair to him and most especially I didn’t want to admit I was scared to be on the same wave with his feelings.

Funny thing is this guy is related to my aunt’s husband. I did get to see him after on family occasions, which is awkward but I learned the art of deadma so It was okay afterwards. Buuut apparently after a few long months he got my number again and he started texting and stuff. To the point of asking me of why I broke up with him and etc, That time I felt like it wasn’t just suppose to be talked about anymore, it was a long time ago kasi. After a few days, He texted me not to bother him anymore which is later found out that it was his girl who texted me.  I was pissed at first coz I wasn’t the first person who reached out but oh what the hell, I forgot about it and didn’t mind na lang.

At the present my aunt and uncle still teases me about him, I just give a laugh every time they do so. And that guy is so bitter he’s acting like he doesn’t know me anymore. Anyareeeh kasi? Lol. I’m cool with it naman just makes me feel sad that this all happen because of this issue. Naman kasi . May part 3 pa ba ito? I don’t think so. I’m still scared and have issue pa rin but I have learned  na when to take a risk. Chosera. Learned daw :D

compromiso cuestiones! Uno *.*

compromiso cuestiones! Uno *.*

So as I was at Dunkindonuts after a barbeque meal with my two of my best friends, we sat down and started to talk about random stuff about everything and everyone.  One of those are the “issues” our circle of friends have concerning on being in a relationship.  Like how one of us has “trust issues”, other one has “intimacy issues”, “attachment issues”, ”Standard issues” and how my friend “J” was so frustrated because he can’t think of issue for himself. (maganda lang te eh!) and for myself “B” said I have commitment issues., I looked at her and I nodded and agreed.  It was actually the first time someone said that and I’m glad someone pinpointed that for me.

Commitment Issues?

Indeed. That’s the reason why every relationship I had never worked out. (chos, super many ba?haha)

To lay all my card of the reasons why I have commitment issues, I think it’s because..

1.       The epic fail marriage of my parents. Everyone who comes from a broken family could actually get me with this. I was 6 years old when my parents separated, my brother was 12. Imagine how hard it was for me to act innocent of what was going on.  I knew by that time everything would not just be normal. So I grew up with the thought of every relationship just won’t work out. No matter how u try hard for it.

2.       Because my Dad cheated not just once, but twice. Or so I know.

3.       And the many fail marriages and relationships I came to know more about in the coming years.

4.       How the people I know just Rant and rant of how being a relationship sucks. (lmao)

And so that’s why I came to have that Issue. Thinking about it all now, I never actually told myself that’s the problem. It’s always “I’m scared, or I’m not good at this or even we both suck at this” kind of reasons.

Let’s take Guy no.1 for an example

Chos #1. He was my 

first ever big crush back in old high school days. I met him through all those subdivision events, where I went out for the 1^st time after living in that place for 3 years to socialize with neighbours. He was tall and super cute (well, that time.) and I really got to like him, and I don’t know or maybe I forgot already how everything happened that we became an item. Like he actually liked me too, but we we’re so discreet then. My friends in that place didn’t like him for he was not just the stick to one of guy daw, I didn’t listen but that made me scared. I was thinking to myself “Omg, this is it” This is the sign that things will not go anywhere far from what I wanted to. But geez, for 2 years we we’re in a love and hate relationship.  He says he loves me and I’d say the same, next day I’d hate him and don’t want to ever see him. Those we’re the times when I was thinking I could handle whatever we have and that we never have to go official. But one sunny afternoon, we we’re texting.

Him: How’s

 your day? Blah blah blah blah

Me: Fine. 

Blah Blah Blah blah

*fast forward*

Him: ILYSM! J

Me: ILY too J

Him: Can’t we ever go official?

Me: I’m scared. Blah blah blah blah

Him: You don’t have to be. Just give it a try, Blah Blah

Me: No, I just can’t.

And to make the conversation short, that day I decided I can’t be with him because I just can’t commit. He said he’s goodbye, we ended up as friends. But dude seriously, that was so hard to get over it. It was my decision to be what we are. Months later I found out he has a girlfriend already. I was “oh, Okey. Really time to move on” But this Chos#1 was seriously hard to get over the years, I was always drawn to him whenever we talk, it was crazy. But somewhere between all those lines, I regret in some point. That I wished I just took the risk so that I’ll know what could have been of us.

So that’s my 1^st taste of my commitment issue.  I’ll get hold more of it later, finally bed is calling me to sleep. Chao J

Now on Myx: Lonely by 2ne1. Kmsta naman ang Title? Nangiinis ka? Buti nlang di kta magetz sandara. Lol J

And just because this picture looks awesome.